:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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