I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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