She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
