i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
