OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
