Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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