I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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