so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
