So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
