The maid of honor just puked.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
