I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
