he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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