I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
