just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
