I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
