peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
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only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
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It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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