I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
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Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Bang-toberfest begins!!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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