he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize