So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Randomize
