also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
