Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
