I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
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This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
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Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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