I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
