I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
