Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
