I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
