so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
