so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
