I didn't shave. On purpose
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
