if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
