Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
