one might say we're banned from that church
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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