Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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