You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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