Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
