tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
