Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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