You're my little dorito
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
