they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
