I wish I could punch you in the face.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
