I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
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This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
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Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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