She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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