I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
