I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
