youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Randomize
