You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i will never coherently bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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