You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
