so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
