so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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