She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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