For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
