i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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