dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
