OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
