yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
