strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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