No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My dick has a subreddit
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
