i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
